As I’m starting to write my take on this book, I am still reading through it but I wanted to start jotting down some of my thoughts. For this review, I want to take it chapter-by-chapter simply because Oluo packs a mighty punch into these chapters.
First, the realization of the self, and how biases can be created even by people of color against other people of color. This was a sad reality when reading the beginning of the book, what have I done to reinforce racial biases about people before I unlearned theses behaviors? I’ll lay myself out on the table for filleting. When growing up, I was taught that all Asians are inherently smart, somehow every single person from this entire continent was so much smarter than every one else and that’s simply not the case. After unlearning this behavior and living in China, you realize there’s so much more to the story. The kids are in school from a very young age (I taught 3 year olds) and once they become a teenager, the real stress starts. I’ve seen my previous 5-7 year olds behavior change in a matter of weeks because they were going to start real school and that’s when the child I had been teaching, she had such a bubbly and happy personality, change because reality hit and she realized she could not lack.
People from Mexico, growing up, everyone who spoke Spanish was considered Mexican no matter where they came from. How could I take away someones history and culture because of my ignorance? I was no better than the colonizers with this behavior. I had to unlearn this and teach my family along the way that not everyone was Mexican and that we should respect those cultures. If you notice, I said I had to do a lot of unlearning but I also did teaching.
Native Americans. My hometown’s entire ‘theme’ is based off of Native history. Our elementary schools are named after animals. Our 2 middles schools are the Eagles and Chiefs, our high school (omg) is named the Indians. Our mascot isssss, you guessed it, and Indian (I’m using the term Indian because that’s exactly what the name is. I no longer use this word as this word is not adjacent nor relevant to the Natives but instead given because someone thought they landed in a different place). We would have Powwow’s and Todem polls. We had the regalia that did not belong to us. Yes, even black people. It was insensitive to use their culture for our gain.
Oluo goes on to mention the minority myth and how it impacts Asians from all over the continent. One question she posed was who do you think of when you think of Asian? And regrettable, I missed the mark. My mind went to: Chinese, Japanese, and Korean neglecting the entire South and South East Asians. This is a fault she also brings up, people recognizing their own racial biases even if you are a person of color. We never hear about the struggles of Cambodians, people from Lao, Vietnamese, Thai, Indian, etc. We are only shown the ones who are successful and often the question that goes along with it is: they came over here and did well, why can’t you as. black person do the same? And that hurts. My people were forced from their culture, their identity, their history and we built an entire country with blood, sweat, and slavery. People after equate blacks to being lazy but that’s not the case. Look at what some people of color are dealt with and then we can have a discussion.
But enough about that. Oluo also writes a chapter called ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’. For me, as a black woman with natural hair, I’ve had people reach out and touch my hair. My instinct is to pull back and give them a face. Why would anyone want to touch follicles from someone else’s head? Where is the curiosity in that? I won’t understand but I felt this chapter. Don’t touch black peoples hair. We get it, it doesn’t look as soft as it is but I promise you, you wouldn’t want dirty hands in your head, would you?
This review is a lot longer than what I had initially planned so I’m going to sum it up. Should you read this book? Yes. Do you have to be a person of color to read it? No. I think there’s a lot to learn when reading this book regardless of race. This book is a means to open and have conversations and guides people on how do to these things because they can be hard. We live in a society where we’re constantly trying to not offend people but we need to see why these things are offensive and that can be as simple as asking: why does this hurt you? This is one of the questions that Oluo poses to her readings. Once I learn that a certain word hurts a certain group of individuals and I’ve used it, I take it out of my vocabulary. There’s no reason why even as a Person of Color that I am free to do what I want because that’s not true.
What have I learned? To become less judgmental and to address myself as a person first. I’ve already started working on that and it’s showing. The only time I judge people is when they’ve given me a reason to judge them. Otherwise, when you meet me, there’s a blank slate waiting for you to write on it. Of course, I come with my own personality traits that others won’t want to be around and that’s fine, I judge myself probably more than others judge me. But if I can learn to accept people for who they are no matter what society has told me about them then that’s a step in the direction I’ve chosen to partake in.
A Shi Life 